Why Does Nuclear Waste Keep Spilling in Idaho?
Unless we want our kids to be born with 17 toes, we need to figure out why this keeps happening. We have our theories.
A nuclear waste site recently reported a rupture in a barrel containing radioactive waste. That's bad. What's worse is it just happened three more times. It doesn't take a mad scientist to know that radioactive waste being all up in our business is not good news. The Simpsons. The Toxic Avenger. Heck, even The Joker knows better. So what's the deal?
While researchers have not yet pinpointed the source of all these recent ruptures, our crack investigative team at Wow Country 104.3 may have figured it all out:
Think about it. Working at a nuclear plant has to be terrible, right? You spend all day in a hazmat suit surrounded by radioactive death goo. What if your nose itches? How do you go to the bathroom? I have questions.
Radioactive Super Rats
Every factory has rats. That's an undisputed scientific fact. So what's to stop rats from getting into some radioactive mutagen, gaining super powers, and chewing through a few barrels? Nothing, that's what.
Obviously. What better way to take over the human race than by slowly poisoning them with radioactive waste? They're out there, they are watching, and they are covering us with glowing green ooze.