The 10 Worst Ways to Die in a Slasher Film
All slasher film deaths are unpleasant. I mean, obviously. It is never a good thing to get hacked to pieces by a 300-pound lunatic in mechanic’s coveralls and a mask.
Still, there are some slasher murders that go above and beyond, and transcend the simply horrific to become sublimely scary. With Halloween looming like a mad killer standing over your sleeping bag while you get it on with a handsome camp counselor, I decided to honor the ten most inspired slasher films deaths (purely in my opinion) with their very own list. You can watch each scene (listed in no particular order) below as well. Viewer discretion is advised, of course — there are some extremely gross uses of shish kebabs ahead.
10 Extremely Terrible Ways to Die in a Slasher Film
1. Eaten By Your Own Bed
From A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
The core of A Nightmare on Elm Street’s power lies in the fact that Freddy strikes at his victims in their most vulnerable state: When they are fast asleep. We imagine our beds as one of the few truly safe places in the world; the fact that Freddy violates the sanctity of that space makes him that much more terrifying. Plus, it really sucks to get turned into a human juice smoothie, no matter where it is.
2. Getting Your Face Frozen, Then Smashed to Pieces
From Jason X (2001)
As homicidal maniacs go, Jason Voorhees tends to be a pretty utilitarian one. He just uses whatever he has on hand at the moment. Nothing flashy, just stabby. Things got a bit more elaborate in Jason X, the futuristic slasher where a frozen Jason is thawed out on a spaceship in the future. In perhaps the single most impressive/disturbing kill in the entire franchise, Monsieur Voorhees (the ‘s’ is silent when pronounced correctly) shoves a victim face-first into a vat of liquid nitrogen. Not content to have frozen a woman solid, he then slams her face into a table, shattering it into pieces. (The face, not the table. [Yuck.])
3. Eating Your Own Brain While You Are Lobotimized
From Hannibal (2001)
Perhaps we are stretching the definition of “slasher film” here. But Hannibal Lecter literally slashes people to death, so I say it counts. And in the most gruesome death from Hannibal, Lecter cuts open poor Ray Liotta’s noggin, slices off a piece of his brain and feeds it to him. The only minor upside is Lecter seems to know his way around the kitchen, so those sweetbreads are probably well cooked.
4. Chewed Up By a Gigantic Meat Grinder
From Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Most of the deaths in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series are deeply sick. This one, from the largely forgettable 2013 Texas Chainsaw 3D, is really gnarly. A cop has nearly killed Leatherface, when the masked murderer gets the upper hand and tosses the sheriff into a man-sized meat grinder. Chew on that one, Upton Sinclair!
5. Inflated Like a Balloon Until You Explode
From Leprechaun 3 (1995)
The Wikipedia page for Leprechaun 3 is the rare one that includes the phrase “newly inflated rump.” That’s because this poor woman is blown up by the title character until she pops. It’s like that scene from Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, except not played for laughs and without the wafer thin mints.
6. A Thumb to the Brain
From Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
For whatever reason, this one has stuck with me for years. It’s just a finger, and yet it really upsets me. I think it’s the fact that a finger shouldn’t be physically capable of doing what it does here. Whatever you do, do not thumb wrestle Michael Myers.
7. Sucked to Death By Leeches
From Puppet Master (1989)
High on my list of fears is being killed by by bloodsucking leeches spewed from the maw of a tiny sentient puppet. I just pray it doesn’t happen to me.
8. Decapitated By a Bookshelf
From High Tension (2003)
I think of this poor man getting his head lopped off by a bookshelf every time my wife says I have too many books and we need to get rid of some of them. Maybe she’s right!
9. Impaled by Erotic Shish Kebab
From Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
I’ve never found the shish kebab to be a particularly sexy food. Too easy to turn it into a weapon if the mood suddenly takes a turn. Case in point...
10. Head Smashed By a Basketball
From Deadly Friend (1986)
See, this is why I play badminton instead of basketball.
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